Been A While Waiting

I know.. its been a while. Things got really complicated for me a week or so agao, really complicated really fast. And I havent had the energy or the willpower to do anything up until now. I don't have much time to post but my friend Carter wants to do a video blog tomorrow sometime or maybe Monday. I will be going in for surgery to have a new tumor removed around 3:30 tomorrow in the afternoon. Wish me luck will you? But trust me, you haven't missed much, but in case you're really wondering, here's how its been:



     After Jase died, I wasn't so sure what to do anymore, I felt like I was loosing everyone, even myself, and who knows, maybe I really am. I was irritable to the point where no one wanted to talk to me, I would laugh or cry or rage at the slightest moment. I wasn't in control of myself, I just.... I kind of lost it for a while there. Im not going to lie to you... I really did loose it..... I forgot things, important things, I would forget where I was, I wouldn't sleep, eat, talk, and when I did, I would talk about Nico like he was still here, like he just popped out for a drink or to go to the bathroom....damn... that hurts even to say after the fact......

     Anyway, the doctors became concerned and they kept me under close survelliance, I passed out in the middle of one of the classes I had to attend at the hospital, (we have the option to try and continue our education if we wanted, all of my friends and I decided we would try), they told me afterwards that I had started to laugh at something and then just stopped laughing and keeled over. Needless to say I don't remember a thing. But honestly, nothing intresting happened after that, just the normal rounds of therapy, chemo, more therapy, more chemo, friends consouling remarks and doctors complicated answers.

     I've been getting questions lately, alot of them actually were to my friends, asking them what it was like to be friends with someone with a terminal illness, or asking how hard it was for them with their struggles and so on and so forth, Carter said that if she does the blog video that she will answer any questions you have for her, about her, or me, or anything, just leave them in the comments. But anyhow, a question which I get surprisingly alot is this "So, are you better yet?" I can't tell you how many times i have gotten that in the past few days, and no, im not better yet, in fact, believ it or not, IM DYING! So yea, its kind of annoying and frustruating to have healthy people ask you if you're better yet when you have a terminal illness, and they ask that like its just a cold or the flu that you can take medication for and be done with it.... hell I wish.. I really do.....

     One of Carter's friends asked me to speak live at her school about bullying and about what my life is like etc. I told her I would do it through skype. Im planning on next Tuesday hopefully. Im excited to speak about things that the kids would want to talk about or know about (its a high school/college) but im nervous as well. Anyways, Ive gotta go and sleep, big day tomorrow. I'll update by MOnday at the latest.

Wish you well,
A.G